Island Soul City Dreams

I reflect. I analyze. I speak my mind. ~ I Keep it Irie ~

Archive for the tag “I Keep it Irie”

My Mid-30s Crisis: Happy Birthday To Me

My sister Sancia seeing me off at the airport in Barbados. Happy birthday sis!

My sister Sancia seeing me off at the airport in Barbados Jan ’13. Happy birthday sis!

I had a melt down two days ago. Two days before my 3*th birthday. I’d awoken from a nightmare where a dear friend had told me, “You’re over-the-hill, girl, you’re old.” Just a week ago, I had discovered my first grey hair – of all places at the front of my head – and that sent me into a panic. Ever since I turned 30, or perhaps as early as 25, I’ve been in a state of denial about aging. Sure, there are those times when I embrace my age and experience, but for the most, I simply cannot believe that I’m already this old! Where did the years go? Read more…

My Favorite High School Teacher – A Reunion

It’s with bittersweet feelings that I write this piece. As I type, I’m sitting in my “window seat” on a Jet Blue aircraft, which took off from the tropical shores of my beautiful homeland Barbados to return me to my adoptive home – exciting, but wintry New York City. Moments ago, as the blinding sun beamed through this tiny window, I squinted to get my final glimpses of paradise, clicking away on my iPhone camera to preserve each image for posterity. Even after almost a decade, every time I leave Barbados, I cry. Yet, I am always eager to embark on the new adventures the Big Apple has to offer.

This was my most emotional “home for the holidays” trip. Much of my time was spent with my immediate family, visiting relatives, dear friends and long-lost friends. Not that I don’t usually do so, but it featured more prominently on this occasion, with me limiting my usual attendance at countless social events. I reunited with people I had not seen in 10, 15 and in some cases almost 20 years. I met new additions to my family or friends’ families – children born since I moved to New York. I connected in person with Facebook friends who have now become friends, ran into former journalistic colleagues who’ve been promoted or have changed jobs, and saw folks that I’d almost forgotten.

Enjoying the view from Speightown boardwalk, Barbados.

Enjoying the view from Speightown boardwalk, Barbados.

I was warmly welcomed into the home of my first boyfriend’s parents; his mom still keeps a framed photo of me. One of my best friends and his wife took me out to an exclusive event, another drove me around the island showing me all the developments that have been taking place in my absence, others invited me over for lunch, dinner and even to stay over, and some took the trek to rural Barbados through potholes, sparsely lit streets, along cane fields and off the “main road” to my mom’s house just to see me.

There are many stories I can write about these “reunions” and over time I probably will, but the one I’ll share with you today is when for the first time in 15 years, I saw my favorite teacher from secondary school (high school). For each of us, I’m sure no memory of that pivotal period of our lives is complete without the thought of at least one teacher who in some way positively impacted our lives. As a student at Louis Lynch Secondary (formerly Roebuck Secondary School), there were a few teachers I admired, who helped mold me into the person I am today, but there’s one only one I called my favorite teacher. His name is Addison Cadogan. Mr. Cadogan was my Social Studies teacher. He taught me from first form – age 11 – until my graduation. I could go back to those early years and tell you why Mr. Cadogan holds such a special place in my heart, but I have a more recent memory that will show you why!

Read more…

Does It Matter When Jesus Was Born?

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I awoke this morning to the icy rain and cool 20-something degrees-temperature of New York City. It’s Christmas Day. My third in the Big Apple. Well, that’s not exactly true. While I might have started today in New York, I’m now miles away from there; the place I’ve called home for the past seven years. It’s 10 a.m. now and as I write, I’m soaring about 35 thousand feet in the air, gliding through fluffy white clouds and over boundless waters. By the time this piece is posted, I would have arrived at one of the most beautiful places on earth. Read more…

Journey Beyond Paradise

As the holiday cheer heightens and the countdown to 2013 draws near, I find myself reflecting on my journey from Barbados to New York and the remarkable progress I’ve made over these past few years. I first wrote about the start to what has become an incredible chapter in my life during my Magazine Workshop – a capstone class in the master’s degree I earned at Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. The class was taught by editor extraordinaire of The New Yorker, John Bennet, who had assigned us to write personal essays. For me, sharing this particular slice of my life was somewhat cathartic. My classmates and I read to one another our respective stories – all of which portrayed some challenge we had to overcome. Almost every narrative evoked tears. Today, I’ll expand my audience beyond the classroom to include you. This piece is an excerpt from the book I have yet to complete on my life story. I’d love to hear your feedback.

At the start of 2005, my life seemed almost perfect. I was living in my native Barbados, the easternmost of Caribbean islands where rejuvenating breezes cascade off the Atlantic Ocean. All year the sun kisses us a brilliant good morning and bids adieu with even more radiance as it sinks beyond horizons of white sand beaches and crystal clear blue waters. I was about to celebrate my 30th birthday on January 30 – a date shared with my younger sister who came screaming into this world the day I turned 4-years-old. She remains my best birthday gift ever. I was working as a reporter – the career I’d dreamt about from the age of 13 and I had an adoring boyfriend who’d lift me over a puddle of water into the car just so I wouldn’t soil my shoes. To top it off, every week, my mother baked my favorite treat – coconut bread – for which I’d travel for miles through narrow unpaved tracks in the lush, rural countryside of Barbados. It was looking like my best year yet. Read more…

You’re An Enigma

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Why can’t I get over you?

Despite everything,

I miss u like crazy!

A day doesn’t go by

Without thoughts of you.

I get mad sometimes

When I think of the hurt you caused

Deserting me when I needed you most.

I tell myself you’ve given me

More than enough reasons

To let go, move on and forget you.

But inexplicably, I’m still in love with you.

To my chagrin I admit,

I love you unconditionally.

It’s like you stole my heart from day one

And I’ve been fighting a losing battle

Ever since to retrieve it!

I want to and need to let you go!

I’ve tried with all my being.

I’ve prayed that you be

A distant memory, if any at all.

I’ve sought every measure of distraction

Compiled all your heartless actions

To fuel animosity toward you.

I’ve struggled to forgive you

As you’ve proven yourself

Less than human and unworthy

Of my friendship and love.

Yet though my head screams, “Let go”

My heart says, “I’m all for you.”

Why can’t I let go?

-by Maquita “Queenie” Peters

~ I Keep it Irie ~

For KMEM.

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Surviving Thanksgiving Alone

An African American family celebrating Thanksgiving. Courtesy Corbis Images

It’s challenging when drowning in depression to rise above it and focus on reasons to be thankful. This is my ninth consecutive Thanksgiving in the US, although 10 in total and one would figure by now I’d be over the sadness that comes with spending such holidays by myself. I’d always envisioned that if by this age I were still living here, I’d be happily married with a family of my own and finally truly celebrating Thanksgiving. But as the sun sets on another Thanksgiving Day, I’m like McCaulay Culkin in that 1990 top draw comedy, “Home Alone” except there’s no laughter being derived from within my four walls – only tears. Living in a foreign country away from all my relatives and closest friends is especially felt on days like today. Read more…

Dealing With Bitches

I have a love-hate relationship with bitches. And trust me, I have met and know many a bitch. When it comes to my love for a bitch, I’m referring to two things: First is the standard Webster’s or the Oxford English Dictionary definition, “a female dog” and second, is a slang meaning, “a thing that one has conquered or mastered.” As for the bitch I hate, I’ll use a definition that’s both standard and slang, “an unpleasant female” or “something unpleasant.”

I’ve been dealing with a bitch of some type all year. Read more…

Haunted

I’ve been sleeping with the lights turned on;

It feels less lonely that way.

I’ve been sleeping with the lights turned on,

It makes his side of the bed seem less empty,

That now cold space where he used to lie down,

Where he’d taste my lips and we’d become one, Read more…

Are You Allergic To Latex?

“Before I put it in, I need to know, are you allergic to latex?”

I was caught off guard by that question. There I was, my eyes closed, eagerly anticipating the feel of it. I’d already assumed the position; one that though conventional is a favorite of mine and is arguably the best way to get the job done. On my back. Legs properly angled for comfort. My arms free to do any necessary grasping or even flailing should the action become too intense. And the screamer part of me was ready, as usually when in such a vulnerable state, the most embarrassing things tend to pass from my lips. From experience, I knew it was going to be impossible to restrain myself if certain sensitive areas were stimulated.

Even though it was not about to be my first time, it was about to be my first time with this person and my first time in far too many months. Read more…

A Journey Through Grief: How My Best Friend’s Death Taught Me to Live

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Kennedy

This past April, I wrote the hardest piece I have ever had to write. It was my Uncle Moses’ eulogy. Moses was my favorite uncle and one of the dearest people in my heart. He succumbed to cancer of the liver at age 51, less than a month before his birthday. But his was not the first eulogy I wrote, nor was he the first loved one I lost. I have lost too many loved ones to count. Death is never an easy thing to handle, especially for someone as sentimental as me and as a person who loves HARD.

From my early 20s to now, I have lost several loved ones ranging from ages 14 to 72 (my grandfather included) to various types of cancer. When I was 26, I bade farewell to a close friend from childhood, Lemuel – the first person to teach me tolerance and unconditional love for anyone regardless of their sexual orientation – to AIDS. A couple of years later, my beloved 14-year-old cousin, Alex, died of a heart attack – two weeks before Christmas. Yes, I have had many moments of donning black dresses, signing books of condolences and being in a funeral march. But the one that haunts me most is when I lost my best friend. At the time, we were giddy teenagers high on life.  She was a bit older than me, and to this day, I have not met another person with whom I’ve shared more in common. Read more…

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