The Prince That Really Was A Frog
I was recently betrayed in the worst way by someone I trusted and about whom I cared deeply. It was such a hurtful ordeal, that for a couple of weeks, I blocked out the “world” and retreated to a sanctum of depression. Well, initially, it was utter depression; drowning in a sea of self-pity, beating myself up about what I could have done differently, wondering where I went wrong and asking the perennial question, “why me?” I was in dire emotional turmoil, almost beyond consolation. At such times, there are perhaps only two people in the world who can break that barrier to help me see any silver lining. It was inevitable that I’d reach out to them. But amidst all the storms of my life, I’ve always been able to find that inner strength, or, maybe it’s my faith to which I turn to begin to feel that calm. I’d end up doing so once again.
Although gregarious by nature and renown for my candor, I’ve always shielded myself from allowing too many people to get too close. I’ve had the same group of “closest friends” for most of my life. Even now living in New York – thousands of miles away from them in Barbados – distance or time apart does not affect our bond. They know and understand me perhaps in ways that I myself do not. My journey in New York has yielded a few dear friends and although I can’t compare them to the ones back home, they can best be described as God-sent. Still, it took time and special circumstances to build the handful of friendships here. That was until I met this friend in question. We were introduced at a social gathering by a mutual friend and easily established rapport. To use one of my favorite phrases,“the vibes between us were just Irie.” He and I formed one of the quickest, closest friendships I’d ever had.
He made it easy to talk to and I soon started opening up to him in ways I hadn’t even done with guys with whom I’d dated or fallen in love. Unlike most guys with whom I’d formed acquaintances in New York, his first or main objective wasn’t to try to get into my bed. He listened to me and seemingly showed genuine interest in everything I was and was about and he was always respectful. For that reason and many more, I found the moniker “Prince” most apt for him. Closer in proximity than my “boys” back in Barbados and apparently caring for me almost as much, I began to trust “Prince” implicitly. We’d talk every day, be it via text, email, phone or in person when he made that “trek” from a neighboring state. If I were having a gloomy day, he always knew the right thing to say or do to bring sunshine my way. I was beyond reciprocative in compassion and loyalty.
Soon, I let him in completely. He came to know much about my past, my insecurities, my every day happenings, my hopes and plans for the future. He told me that he was right there with me and for me. “Prince” made me feel like I was one of the most special people in his life and that he needed me/my friendship as much as I needed him/his friendship. There are few feelings more comforting than knowing you’re enhancing someone’s life.
With our “relationship” came many a sacrifice on my part that I chose to keep from him. After all, selflessness comes with true friendship. So on that day when it was revealed to me that “Prince” had been deceiving me all along, that he was pretty much making a mockery of me and my circumstances, that he didn’t care half as much as he’d pretended and that he couldn’t stand up for me or put up a fight for our friendship, I was devastated.
I cried for a few days on end; sleepless each night. I was mad at myself for letting him get so close, for what now seemed like no reason. I blamed myself for him treating me as less than a friend, less than human. I played over every moment of the development of our friendship trying to figure out his motives, seeking for clues that I missed; clues that could have shown me he was an imposter. I wanted to go back to the day we met and avoid it. But the pity party didn’t soothe the pain.
I tried to console myself with the notion that I in no way warranted this cruelty and need not hold on to such a creature in my life. More importantly, I came to accept that I cannot be responsible for Prince’s lack of integrity. Sure, the onus was or is on me how much I let someone in, but if that person turns out to be of unsavory character, that is on them. I hit my knees in prayer, for strength, guidance, for a forgiving heart and most of all for that spirit of “let go.” Immediately afterwards, as agonizing as it was, I severed all ties with “Prince”.
When I eventually reached out to my boys to talk, they reminded me: “You have so much to offer this world. He doesn’t deserve a friend like you. It’s just another lesson and it’s great that you got it now rather than later (in the friendship).” Even if laden with clichés, they were right: “Roger that.”
“Prince” was not my boyfriend. We were not having sex. And admittedly, even though there was much scope to blossom into a serious romantic relationship, we were not in love. But he was someone I let into my life, my world and my heart – without reservation. I thought I was the same to him. Who knew that a friend could break your heart? He sure broke mine.
~ I Keep it Irie ~
Reading this felt like you wrote the story of my life. I went through something quite similar a little less than a year ago, but I came out a way stronger person and learnt that what doesn’t kill you will always make you strong…. Bless
Thanks sis. It’s comforting to know that someone can relate. Bless up.
Wow, what a hard read this one was for me. I too have been through this, not even two months ago, and with a woman I called my “best friend” and sister for nearly 10 years. It still hurts me but I know i’m better off. So thanks for sharing and by the way, your boys are right.
Love you Queenie 🙂
Thanks for reading Fatou.
Yes, such a thing is a hard pill to swallow, but we have to value the lessons – though painful – that they yield. I’m sorry you had to endure that experience and I can only imagine your pain. I pray for your strength and that feeling of calm you’ll need as you “let go.”
As always, thanks for your support and encouragment. One love sis.:-)
I know this is not like me but…..Bun fire pun de man!!! Rass man! I hate when people do stuff like that especial to my close friends……good thing I ain’t live near him…but anyway love ( I’m calm now) You’ll rise from these ashes because you are stronger and better than him..
Thanks Shawn boo. Yes, we know I’m a strong girl, so soon, I’ll be just fine. Bless up.:-) xx
Time and fire will always beat the snake …that was all that dude was!!..Loved your phrase “…and need not hold on to such a creature…”. Letting that creature go was best. He did not deserve you Ma, you are a queen who deserves fire tested friendship and faithful kingship. Its tough especially when it comes to betrayal and deception,…but broken hearts do heal and better times always lie ahead.
Thanks Reu! I appreciate the support; truly Irie vibes. You’ve really helped to make me feel better. Much love bro.:-)
This is such a haunting story because it is oh so familiar! We often let people into our lives to fill a void of something or someone missing. It is only when you are hurting that you realize that that thing or person whom you thought would be your lifelong friend, is no more. You feel empty inside….incomplete…even sad. In the end, you realize that it is ok to grieve; it is ok to hurt; but it is not ok to be betrayed. Build your walls Sis…those that are deserving will find the gate.
Awww, thank you Adrian. That was very well said; so true and very encouraging. Thanks for reading and such thought provoking feedback. Much love and bless up.:-)
My mother always told me as a child that only the people you care about can hurt you. Yet, I am always surprised when it happens. I enjoy reading your work because you write form the heart. I know we are much stronger because of the tests and trials we endure in life…..Love your work!
Isn’t it sad how true it is that the people we care about hurt us ? I suppose it only hurts because we do care.:-/
You’re right abut those trials and tests; they can only make us stronger. We’re not the type to let them break us.
Thanks for reading ‘Vena! Your kind words really warmed my heart. Bless up sis.:-)
someone in my life once told me, once you risk love, you risk being hurt. i have always held onto those words not as a shield to keep love out but as a reminder of the gravity of what love is.
That’s deep ‘Los! Me likey. Thanks and thanks bro.:-) Bless up.
It baffles me as to y this guy would do less than show complete respect for u and ur friendship. In a world where people will try and bring u down at every turn, a person should consider themselves lucky to have someone care about them. It’s his loss because relationships come and go but a true friendship has a better chance of lasting forever. It is impossible to see a person’s true motives. Some people just get bored with their life n need to bring a new person it it. Unfortunately, these types of people eventually get bored of the person in their life and move on. But like I said, his loss.
You’re too sweet J. Thank you! And you’re correct, it’s damn impossible at times to figure out someone’s motive for doing a specific thing. I got enough headaches trying to do so in this case. But as the days go by, I’ve got better at not trying to dwell on it. I’m staring to heal and I’m feeding off all the support and Irie vibes from all you guys. Thanks for reading and thanks for the props. Bless up.:-)
This is an excellent passage. Again, as i have said on many occasions….u are a prolific writer and u use the talent that GOD gave u marvelously. you make GOD proud and me also.
In this world, I think, things go hand in hand. Love & pain, sadness & joy, hot & cold, light and dark…..so i guess one cant exist without the other. once we open our heart and experience one side of the coin, there is always another side of the coin waiting. what we have to do is to (1). create our own coin (2). learn from our mistakes (3). remember the lesson that we have learnt cause next time around it will be more difficult for us.
You see, the thing with life is…once we learn/know something (even if it is by accident), we cant unlearn it, and when we overcome one hurdle, we become stronger, but the next hurdle is always more difficult.
This is what happens when we strive to get back to the original self that GOD has created us to be cause we have fallen a long way and we need to overcome to rise and be what GOD wants us to be.
when we have reached our self-actualization, than we can say….YES…..the journey was long and rough, but I have fought the fight, run the race and I can now claim my prize…..which is victory.
Peace & Love to you my beautiful sister.
You never fail to move me, Ann. Thank you soo much for all your words of wisdom, your encouragement, relentless support and love. I truly appreciate it all and you. Much love and blessings sis.:-)